Emma

June 18th, 2013

Reunions.

Do you go back?

I’ll be honest. I have not been a great Re-uner  myself. But I thought I should give this one a try.

40 years.

Emma looks great. In fact, it crossed my mind while I was there that the Emma Willard campus is more beautiful than we are. Almost.

It is an ‘interesting’ experience, heading back to a boarding school you attended 40 years ago. A school where you spent three years of your teenaged life, from ages 14 to 17.

14 to 17. Yes, in many ways we grown and capable, and yet so, so young looking back. High school, and boarding school, and the ’70’s. It was such a period of transition; years of angst and empowerment both.

Our immediate context was hippies to prototypical preppies. Landlubber jeans and bell bottoms, to painter’s pants and Levis 501’s. Hiking boots, clogs and Dr. Scholl’s to Kork-Ease’s platform sandals. Flannel shirts and sweater vests to Fair Isle sweaters. Indian print t-shirts, and embroidered peasant blouses. 13 button wool sailor pants from the Army Navy Surplus stores, and 50’s circle skirts from Goodwill. Layla, The Dead and Bread. The Firesign Theater. All ‘vintage’ now, as we are.

(Not to mention The Vietnam War, The Pentagon Papers, Nixon in China, the voting age to 18, Watergate, and Roe v. Wade.)

In those years, you knew your classmates by the childhood nicknames they no longer use. You have to remind yourself, case by case, if you’re allowed to call out “Kitty”, or “Bucko”, or “Dimmie.” Sometimes you are allowed, because you knew them when…

But here’s the amazing thing, having just spent three days and two nights in the company of those supposedly vanished girls: we were then who we are now. The consistency of personalities and outlook is astonishing to me.

The optimists are optimistic. The critics are critical. The elusive are still pretty darn hard to pin down. Here’s the thing, ladies. You are great company. As you were then, as you are now. You were honest. You were brave. There was sadness and joy in the sharing.  And empathy, understanding, encouragement, approval, safety. There was love.

I enjoyed my time with you.

I may turn into a re-uner after all.

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Memorial Day – Boston

May 27th, 2013

It’s Memorial Day in Boston.

A time to remember.

So we visit our memorials.

And remember.

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Elsewhere

May 26th, 2013

Sometimes, when you have been though more than you’d like to admit, it is important to go elsewhere. It was time to see more of the world, beyond Boston.

I was definitely due for change of scene.

New York was a great beginning.

And I kept on going.

I was charmed all over again by the variety of comestibles on offer at the Lancaster County Farmer’s Market. I love a good Farmer’s Market, don’t you? And our local market, in Copley Square, has not yet opened for business this year.

At the Farmers’ Market in Pennsylvania you can count on Clyde Weaver’s cheese selection,

and a rainbow cornucopia of seasonal vegetables,

and an eye opening selection of proteins…

Once we had finished with the groceries, it was time to sample the other local delights of spring. A trip to the Jenkins Arboretum to enjoy their deservedly famous azalea and rhododendron walks.

It was late afternoon by the time we arrived, and the sun was shining through the pale green lace of the newly emerging oak trees overhead. Pathways beckoned through the forest of azaleas. One could honestly say there were sun-dappled byways…

where the language of flowers was spoken.

We even stopped to lean on the split-rail fencing around the pond at the bottom of the hill, to remember how the children used to love to come here to watch (and to count) the sunbathing turtles.

I guess some things never change.

There’s nothing like a lovely walk in the spring woodland, elsewhere.

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Since

May 25th, 2013

I have been doing a lot of thinking, but no writing, in the aftermath of the Boston Marathon Bombings.

It turns out it takes a long time to process Secondary Trauma.

In the instant that people in Boston learned that bombs had exploded at the Finish Line of the Marathon we all knew whether we were okay or not. We were not dead; we had not lost legs. We were fine.

But people in Boston, in Massachusetts, and on and on beyond here, were not fine.

In the immediate aftermath, my neighborhood was not fine.

And yet, Boston’s spring continued on – beautiful. Surreal.

In the days following the bombings, runners ran with defiance, and Marathon contestants and visitors walked the sidewalks, proudly clad in the bright yellow and blue of their Boston Athletic Association marathon shirts and windbreakers.

Signs sprang up everywhere.

The spontaneous memorial to the victims grew.

Then at the end of that week came the after shock of learning how to Shelter in Place. Yes, we could do that too. Streets were hauntingly empty as all of Boston stayed indoors, refusing to admit fear, but feeling ill on an hyper diet of too much TV news and Twitter updates.

The night they caught the other bomber, the streets of the Back Bay erupted into a spontaneous parade up Commonwealth Avenue, and a noisy, exuberant rally on the Boston Common. What a relief. A joyous catharsis. It was over.

It was only as time passed that we realized, or allowed ourselves to admit, that we were exhausted, and fragile, and had been on the verge of tears for so so long.

But that Yes, we are fine.

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On Your Marks, Get Set, NO!

April 19th, 2013

I was at the Finish Line of the Boston Marathon on Monday, watching the runners come in, the waves of runners who would finish with times a little better or close to the one I ran all those years ago.

The colorful flags of many nations were flapping in the breeze overhead along the last hundred yards of the course, in front of the Boston Public Library. It is the final sprint to the brightly painted blue and yellow finish line.

The sidewalks were crowded with teens and families, with Moms and friends come to cheer, carrying signs saying: “Go Daddy”, or “Yea, Caroline and Paddy”, or “You Got This, Amy”. There were college kids enjoying a day off from school, hanging out in the local bars, clutching long necked bottles of beer, and enjoying the rite-of-spring, street fair atmosphere that exists on Marathon Day, on Patriots’ Day, in Boston, Massachusetts.

The sidewalk cafes were bustling along Boylston Street and Newbury Street, which almost seemed like a pedestrian mall, with couples strolling hand in hand. At one Back Bay frat house, a block over, they were busy grilling out on the sidewalk, tossing a football, hosting an al fresco party perfectly suited to a spring day.

I watched at the finish for awhile, then decided to walk along the course towards the last two turns, “right on Hereford, left on Boylston”. I made my way along the sidewalk through the festive crowd, through the pinch points where restaurants had fenced off sidewalk seating, or where lamp posts and mailboxes were set back from the barricades along the curb and forced the crowd back onto itself.

I stopped for quite awhile near the 26 mile mark, across the street from the Prudential building, cheering and clapping with the crowd as runners – many first-timers, many run-for-charity fundraisers – loped by in various stages of fatigue and ecstasy, some in pain, some in costumes,

some in uniform.

Oh the joyous feeling of the day. It was familiar magic.

I continued on to Hereford, and turned the corner, making my way backwards along the course to Commonwealth Avenue, to watch the runners turn at that second to last corner. It’s a special spot, because most of them know at that point that they are almost home, they feel the finish pulling them, whatever the state of their legs. This is a visceral memory of mine, of floating through the clamor of Kenmore Square (buoyed by cheering for Boston’s Marathon hero Johnny Kelley), going down and under Mass Ave, and up again to the last turns. When you turn onto Hereford, and then onto Boylston, the growing roar of the large crowd is amplified even further by the taller buildings lining the sidewalk. It is almost overwhelming, so close to the finish, so close to the edge of your endurance. When I ran I remember I felt a sense of claustrophobia, to be back in this canyon of sound and brick.

So I stood in the crowd and watched the proud runners living out their dreams, chasing down the moment of triumph and completion due to them after months and months of training, after hours and hours of runs, and miles and miles of pavement. Commonwealth Mall was filled with cheering squads looking out for their own runners, and holding up their hand lettered signs. They gathered with neighbors sharing the enormous power of community, and with children racing in dizzying circles on the grass, under the influence of crowd generated euphoria.

I debated walking back to the finish line, but a glance at my watch reminded me it was two o’clock, and The Dog would be anxiously awaiting my return for a late midday outing. I headed home. The Dog and I then sat outside on Commonwealth Mall enjoying the street parade of passing spectators, back-up emergency and medical support personnel, and runners who had already completed their races and were wandering about in dazed victory, with medals hanging around their necks on bright yellow and blue ribbons, many wearing the yellow race shirts and blue wind jackets given them by the Boston Athletic Association, some of them wrapped in tin foil blankets.

The Dog and I headed inside at about 2:30pm. Bless you Dog.

Minutes later, sitting at my desk, I was aware of many sirens. My cell phone beeped with a text. “Are you all okay?” from The Boy.  I went to Twitter. That’s how I found out that two bombs had just exploded at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, a mere two blocks from our house. No, I did not hear the explosions. My theory is that the taller buildings along Boylston Street acted like a sound barrier beside the highway, sending the sound up and out into the further air. Friends of mine who live in Cambridge say they heard the booms. I texted My Husband that I was home. But where was The Girl? “Everybody okay and far from the Marathon finish line?” came in from The Eldest. And so it went, texting, calling and emailing, to make sure all the family were safely somewhere. Where? The Girl had left her cellphone at home that day. I called her, and could hear it ringing in her room. I began again with emails, hoping she would look at her iPad. It was almost 30 minutes later before I heard from her Dad that she was safe. She had been in the Prudential T stop and was ushered out by the Police, onto Huntington Avenue. Along the way there were many people running, and crying, but thank goodness she was not at the scene. She generally hates crowds. I had thought she would be much further away.

At home, on television, we watched and listened to the stories of the first responders and brave bystanders, who rushed toward the blasts instead of away from them, the emergency personnel and surgeons who spent endless hours attending to, and attempting to repair, bomb damaged spectators, the marathoners who ran 26.2 miles and then ran to the hospitals to donate blood for blast victims. So much goodness it made me feel weepy.

Safe at home The Girl and I consider how we feel. We know immediately that at many levels we are ‘fine’. We were there, but we were not there THEN. We are not among the injured, the maimed, the shocked. We live only blocks away, but we are almost unscathed. Over the next few hours we receive countless texts and phone calls and emails from concerned friends and family around the world. Our real networked community is reaching out to us. We are able to tell our stories, and this allows us to recognize and explore the nuances of our experience, to admit the ‘almosts’ of being so close, to articulate the ways we do relate to the blasts and the growing pall of aftermath.

Within an hour the streets of our Back Bay neighborhood were barricaded, yellow tape everywhere, dozens of Police and emergency workers in action, ATF and FBI arriving in SUVs with blacked out windows and Humvees.

By nightfall the Commonwealth Mall in front of the house was a parking lot for TV broadcast trucks with satellite dishes on top, with miles of colored wires snaking from generators and cameras, and cars filled with newscasters and their assistants,

a phalanx of movie cameras was set up across the intersection, propped atop tripods resembling a flock of black-legged storks, all the lenses pointed down Dartmouth Street towards Boylston, where a large sign with blinking orange letters spelled out “STREET CLOSED”, alternating with “FIND ALT ROUTE”.

We watched too much news coverage on TV. I spent too much time on Twitter, and Facebook.

By the next morning, under cloudless blue skies, with the magnolias coming into bloom, and their soft fragrance floating on the air, a full crime scene investigation was under way, with sniffer dogs and forensics experts. I know the sidewalks of Boylston, two blocks over, are still littered with wreckage, detritus from the bombs, abandoned possessions, and stained with blood.

I was approached for interviews by a black clad reporter with scarlet lipstick, in Boston to cover the event for Russian news. Also by a reporter for Sky News in the UK. But I do not want to be on camera as the face and voice of America. Yes, these events are horrendous wherever they occur, to whatever innocent people on whichever much loved holiday.

My neighbors and I are bemused, as Tuesday gives way to Wednesday, and Wednesday to Thursday, walking between and around the news trucks parked all over the grass median, and the catering tables set up, stocked with coffee and sandwiches fro the reporters and their staffs, trying to exercise our dogs  and share morning chats on our once quiet Mall. The yellow tape and blue Police barricades block off access to my cash machine, the two local grocery stores, my gym. It requires extra blocks up or down and around to get to anything.  Sirens still echo down every street. They sound different now, or maybe we just notice every one. Neighbors are kind and reach out – we are all interested in each other. We have rediscovered our community. Meanwhile Police and soldiers in dessert fatigues, with guns, block the intersections.

What is fair? What is appropriate? How long can this situation persist? And how do we behave? Life goes on, but it is not normal, and it will not be for some time. The things on my To Do List for this week will not get done.

We are ‘fine’. We live here. We will be Boston Strong. We will see this through.

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The Runners Are Coming, The Runners Are Coming!

April 13th, 2013

This year Monday, April 15th is Patriots’ Day in Massachusetts.

If you’re a runner from anywhere, if you’re from Massachusetts, or if you live in Boston, you know what Patriots’ Day means: it’s the Boston Marathon.

Boston is getting ready. There are trucks and tents and banners and barricades, and Police cars with flashers and hard-hatted construction workers, and fledgling grandstands and a chaotic sense of industry as the race’s route from Hopkinton to the Finish Line in front of the Boston Public Library is made ready.

In the sports shops around the Back Bay, and along the river front, there are legions of ghostly thin elite runners, with cadaverous faces, putting in their last few miles of preparation. Some of these runners sport trophy jackets awarded by the Boston Athletic Association, and adorned with the B.A.A.’s unicorn logo, testament to their impressive racing records: ten years of sub-three hour marathons, for instance.

The running stores have dressed their windows to applaud the momentous event.

A few Back Bay and Beacon Hill homeowners have done the same.

Today runners have begun to collect their race numbers; you can spot the bright yellow sling bags on the backs on Monday’s entrants.

There are a lot of memories bound up with this race. I can sense the excitement rising. These days I am not running, but I can still feel the endorphins of those preparing to race.

Today it is rainy and grey, with a raw wind off the harbor. But by Monday it is going to be *Perfect*. Temperatures in the low 50’s, mostly sunny, hopefully not too much wind.

Runners, take you marks. Ready, Set, Go.

Right on Hereford, left on Boylston. Last two turns.

You are almost there.

The runners are coming, The Runners Are Coming.

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W50 Summit

April 9th, 2013

Thursday and Friday saw the first ever Women’s Summit on the Harvard Business School campus, celebrating 50 years of women in the HBS MBA program. The W50 Summit.

800 HBS alumnae filled the seats. (For those of you who know or once studied Latin, the suffix ‘ae’ signifies the feminine plural.) The two day event was sold out, with a long waiting list.

We were warmly welcomed by Dean Nitin Nohria,

as well as by Drew Gilpin Faust, President of Harvard University. She reminded us that we educate women because it is right, because it is fair. We educate women because it is smart.

The energy in Burden Auditorium was palpable.

There were clever women everywhere you looked, like-minded female professionals sharing their life experiences, challenges and strategies. Intoxicating. Exhilarating. Is this what it has felt like to be in the guys’ club all this time?

Ann S. Moore, once Chairman and CEO of Time, Inc. shared a few insights, advice to and from “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits.” Time is, literally, the most important thing, she said. Still, your direction is far more important than the speed at which you are going. Meaning drives women.  (We know this, don’t we.) And remember, go home to Sunday dinners.

As for women in the top positions in the workplace? Flat is not the new up. She said she caught up – we caught up. Don’t fall behind again.

There were memorable exchanges after lectures, during classroom discussions, and then even more great conversation over elegant lunches and dinner. We were all hungry for that, the words.

Did we have other speakers?

Yes, Karen Gordon Mills, Administrator of the Small Business Administration, and a member of President Barack Obama’s Cabinet.

There was Rosabeth Moss Kanter outlining and encouraging us on how to move from Inclusion, to Influence, to Impact.

Amy Cuddy teaching us about the influence of body language, including the impact of a smile, and the actual hormonal responses to Power Posing. Your body can change your mind. I wish I had known this decades ago. Corporate Yoga anyone?

And there was Sheryl Sandberg reminding us to Lean In. Show up. Bring your whole self to work. Keep your hand up. It’s not a ladder, it’s a jungle gym. Don’t leave before you leave.

It was pretty empowering stuff.

Even this temporary sign, posted outside a what is a regularly indicated Men’s Room, did a lot to raise spirits for many of us, especially those who remembered the old Women’s Room, the one that still had urinals in it. Women MBA students used to joke that the administration had left the urinals there, in case they changed their mind about admitting women to Harvard Business School.

And Dean Nohria concluding with an empathetic message. ‘We need you’.

No, there’s no going back.

Girl power.

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Botanical Travels

March 30th, 2013

Another sunny, chilly day in Naples, Florida. We headed to the Naples Botanical Garden, and proceeded to tour the world.

We started out in the Brazilian Garden,

a technicolor marvel, glowing in the Florida sun,

and a wonderful tribute to ‘the father of modern landscape architecture’, Brazilian naturalist and  landscape artist Roberto Burle Marx. (A fact I learned while touring this garden.)

From Brazil, on to the Caribbean.

From the Caribbean, we wandered through a sea of grass and encountered a series of circular mysteries, from this ritualistic water landing,

to a ring of Saw Palmettos, planted four deep, and reminiscent of a natural Stonehenge,

all enclosing a vividly colored circular garden known as the Wildflower Meadow.

From here we traveled on to Asia,

where we found both landscapes and artifacts to contemplate.

A watery Zen meditation….

and an exotic vista.


The local wildlife seemed very happy indeed, among plants of every nation.

So were we….

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Playing Tourist

March 27th, 2013

We went on  holiday in Naples, Florida recently. (There’s my 12 years in the UK showing up again – as word choice: ‘went on holiday’ versus ‘had a vacation’.) Anyway, it felt like a much needed holiday.

We left the lingering snows of Boston and New York behind, for Florida’s white bleaches and blue waters. And, drat, for Florida’s cold (for Florida) temperatures. Yes, 54 degrees in March in Naples is pretty darn cold. Ironically, that same 54 degrees in Boston in March would be welcome indeed this year.

So when the temperature is in the 50’s and 60’s in Florida you might want to walk the beach, and explore the Town Pier, but you’re probably not going to want to pretend to sunbathe. I did get myself into the Gulf for a brief swim one afternoon. The verdict? Brrrr.

Luckily the beaches are beautiful, the blues of water and sky inspirational after a New England winter, and the shell-strewn sands still magical even without small children to gather shells with.

The sandpipers continue to zig and zag along the sea front with frenzied steps – ‘little birds in a hurry’, my sister calls them.

It is charming, and there is still a touch of wildness to the Gulf beaches.

Luckily there are other things to do around Naples when the winds are brisk and the Gulf waters more reminiscent of Maine than Florida. So we decided to go exploring beyond the shops, restaurants, and golf clubs of downtown Naples.

We decided to take a day to play tourist to Florida’s under-appreciated history.

Before Florida was a resort destination it was a wild and rough natural world. Early inhabitants traveled through the jungle of mangroves and rivers of grass on the waterways, instead of highways. When you visit Everglades National Park you can still experience the vastness of this original wilderness. It is unique, both beautiful and harsh; it needs protecting.

The early settlers in this watery landscape had to be tough individuals to survive. Down south of Everglades City, on Chokoloskee Island, sits Smallwood’s Store. This historic general store, Post Office and trading post, operated by Ted Smallwood and his family since 1906, bears witness to the life of Florida’s traders, trappers and the families of early inhabitants of these islands.

Customers arrived at Smallwood’s by boat, bringing pelts and artifacts to trade,

departing with essential supplies and the occasional luxury.

Life must have been a challenge for the Smallwood family,

who operated the Post Office and Trading Post and General Store, and who lived, slept, ate and schooled their children on the premises for years.

Smallwood’s Store was also the scene of a sensational murder, the subject of author and naturalist Peter Matthiessen’s outstanding book, Killing Mr. Watson. The novel tells the story of Edgar J. Watson, a prominent and successful local farmer whose neighbors had the habit of turning up dead, and who was gunned down in 1920 by more than 20 armed men, his ‘neighbors’, from the assembled community.

Gorged on local history, flora and fauna, we headed back to Everglades City, for lunch at the famous, if slightly down-at-the-heels, Rod and Gun Club.

On the menu:

I settled for Garlic Shrimp and romaine salad.

Oh yes, and a piece of Key Lime Pie.

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Journal

March 23rd, 2013

I recently came across a battered old diary that I bought decades ago to record the special things my children said as they started to speak. Oh, what wonderful memories are captured here. I am actually impressed at how much I managed to record, as my first toddler toddled, as my second baby squirmed, even as my third child overloaded all circuits.

As My Husband said, the third child required us to adapt from man-to-man to zone coverage…

As I turn the pages of this foxed volume, each little phrase, each unique child-coined term, each recorded episode brings back an avalanche of memory. What completely delightful memories.

From first words…

One of The Eldest’s early words (after the much debated “Baba” – was that actually Mama, or Dada?”) was “Do.” To him that meant shoe, which, for a child growing up in New York City, meant going out to The Park. He would sit on the changing table, reaching out his little feet, imploring us to put on his outside shoes. “Do, do!” was a sentence, an exhortation, that we understood as young parents and translators. “Put my shoes on, I want to go out to The Park!”

To The Girl’s early favorite phrase, articulated all as one word, “IDOIT!” Miss Independent.

How creative they all were with language, how metaphorical, and how accurate.

The Eldest, “Milk is like snow for John to drink.”

How philosophical, “Do angels have feet? Do they need feet, to stand on clouds?”

How scientific, “Is there snow in space? And if there is, does it fall down, or does it just go every direction?”

And unpredictable, I love this one… “I forgot to change my mind.”

The Girl, when asked, “Would you like a cookie?” responded firmly, “TWO!” She was strong minded from the start.

There came a wonderful day for me, when The Eldest and The Girl began to argue in the back seat of the car, “She’s MY Mommy!” “No, My Mommy!” “Well, she’s my Mommy too.” “NOOOO!!”

And this bittersweet and wise exchange: The Girl, to The Eldest on his birthday, “John, you are six.” He replied, “Yes, and I’ll never be five again.”

The Boy, who loved to play Hide and Seek, leaping out from behind the chair after we had been calling to him, “Where are you? Where are you?” saying, “Here me are.”

The Boy, knowing from earliest days how to enjoy life, declared “When I’m a big man I’m going to turn my house into a merry-round.” (Merry-go-round. Okay, can I ride?)

There is much more to read, much more memory-information to mine, but….

Of course I couldn’t keep it up forever… Life took over.

The journal comes to an end long before their childhoods did.

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